God help us all.

I have no idea what any of this weeb-shit moonrunes say, but it’s anime girls in bikinis, so I have your attention, right?

How these convention intervention posts work is that I’ll go through the good, the bad, and the weeb about a convention. But fuck that, man. Fuck AniRevo. Fuck everything about this horrible weekend that I spent in Vancouver.

There are no redeeming qualities about AniRevo 2015. I looked deep into my soul to find a single one. I double-checked the schedule, I scoured every single inch of the convention center to find something, anything good about this convention. Because I want to like AniRevo. I want to say it’s a good convention.

But it’s not.

It’s fucking terrible.

Here’s my dilemma, though; I hate writing negative posts. While posts where I bitch and whine about a convention are fun for people to read, they are certainly not fun for me to write. I’ll eventually write a more in-depth, thoughtful post about AniRevo over on my own blog, Freezefla.me, but it’s 9pm on the last day of the convention and I want to end this trip on a high note. I want to write something uplifting.

So I’m going to share with you all the best thing that happened to me at the convention.

BAE CAUGHT ME SLIPPIN

It’s Sunday at 3:30. Dark_Sage, shcboomer, Rekyu, and I have just come back to our hotel room after giving up on the convention proper. Sure, the last panel that we went to was mildly interesting, but I didn’t spend 700 dollars to go to one panel that lasted 50 minutes. We’re all super bummed out and doing some deep introspection. Where did we go wrong?

Surely it’s not our fault. It can’t be our fault. That’s literally impossible, because we’re perfect in every sense of the word. That’s right, it’s the convention’s fault. It’s AniRevo’s fault for being so terrible. HallwayCon is not a good convention, because NOTHING happens in hallways. And AniRevo is no different. There’s nothing at AniRevo.

Accurate description of content at AniRevo

Side note: here’s a life hack to help you identify if a convention is good or not. Go to twitter and see how many hashtags people are using to talk about the convention. If the number is anything higher than 1, it’s a terrible convention. In fact, the number of tags used is inversely proportional to how good the convention actually is. Sakuracon? Literally just #Sakuracon. AniRevo? #AniRevo, #AniRev, #AR, #AR15… the list goes on and on, and that’s not a good thing.

Anyway, back to the story. I’m down on my luck, having just lost faith in the world and my ability to spend money on good things. And then I see it.

The holy grail.

The saving grace of this weekend.

A bed.

Now, it’s not like I hadn’t been sleeping on beds prior to this. In fact, the hotel we were at on the previous nights was pretty swank. But last night I only got around five hours of sleep after playing Smash Bros. until 5AM, and my body was running on empty. The only food we had was the terrible pulled pork sandwiches at the maid cafe, which were not filling and not tasty. (God, AniRevo. Can’t even do pulled pork right.)

So you’re me, you’re tired and hungry as hell, and you see a bed. What do you do? You take a fucking nap, that’s what. Because fuck yeah, we’re adults and we take naps.

It’s nap time, baby.

This nap was amazing. It was the holy grail of naps. It was as if Jesus himself came down upon my weary mind, said “It’s okay, child. You may rest now.”, gave me the best blowjob of my life*, and then put me to bed like a newborn fawn in the picturesque forests of Bambi. It was as if someone shot me with a tranquilizer dart, but instead of throwing me into the human trafficking industry, created a bed of flowers and laid me to rest. It was as if my waifu proclaimed her love to me in my dreams, and my body was overwhelmed with joy and happiness as it succumbed to the pillowy depths of the mattress.**

* I’m not gay.

** I don’t have a waifu.

In retrospect, this bed wasn’t the best bed. Like, I’m laying down on it right now as I write up this article. And it’s not that great. The sheets aren’t exactly comfortable. The mattress isn’t as soft as some of the beds I’ve slept on. But man, when you’re super tired and super bummed about the abysmal convention that you just went to, anything will do. You know how 7-11 pizzas taste amazing at 3AM when there’s nowhere else open? It’s kinda of the same principle.

And in this case, my 7-11 pizza was the double bed on the 18th floor of the Vancouver Mariott.

Pizza is bad for you. How will you ever stick your dick into an anime girl if all you do with your life is eat pizza?

I can say without a doubt that Bed-chan was the best thing to happen to me during this trip. Like, Bed-chan is mai waifu.*** I’d marry Bed-chan. I’d take Bed-chan out for dinner and a movie. And not like a bad movie, too. A good movie. The Terminator or some shit, ’cause everybody likes The Terminator. Not any of the sequels, though. Fuck the sequels. Fuck Terminator 2 and Terminator 3. They’ll never live up to the original.

*** That was a joke. I still don’t have a waifu.

Actually, that’s a good way to describe AniRevo. It’ll never live up to what it once was, but it’ll continue going down this terrible franchised path, digging its own grave until it can no longer climb out, and ultimately dies the terrible death it deserves.

And Bed-chan and I will be there to watch it die.

I don’t play f2p cancer, I dropped the anime after 2 miserable eps, and I despise the community almost as much as Nintendo fans. But I’ll be damned if any of that precludes me from having an opinion on this shit.

All opinions based off the KanColle wiki, chan.sankakucomplex, and four Lynchburg Lemonades (minus the lemonade).

Sorry, Bismarck. You’re cute, but this post is about destroyers, so you shouldn’t even be here.

Garbage-tier

Let’s get this one out of the way first.

Spoiler:

My fucking brain

Who could be deaf enough to make this kinda ear destruction a valid form of pandering? Is it those same creepy fucks who made maid cafes a thing?

…It is, isn’t it? Fuck.

Mutsuki

Here, have some Satanic verses:

 

And if you thought Mutsuki was bad, just try Uzuki. I’m sure there’s an uki pun in here somewhere, but I’m not nearly shameless enough to try and float one of those.

Uzuki

I’m convinced these two only exist to set the feminist movement back a century.

 

 

Uggos

Is this a joke? There’s being “unattractive by conventional standards”, and then there’s being a walking argument for eugenics.

Someone needs to introduce those girls’ cheeks to the concept of anorexia, cuz Dizzy Gillespie is not my ideal waifu.

 

 

Boring

Either visually or aurally, these girls are as forgettable as

It’s not that I wouldn’t fuck them, it’s that I wouldn’t remember it in the morning. Actually, wait, did I get that backwards? I wouldn’t fuck them, but if I did, it’d be because I wouldn’t remember it in the morning?

…fuck this, I’m just gonna one-hand it. Ship girls are complicated.

 

 

Asashio Class

Not even worth the effort to recycle, these ships are due for a scuttling.

Sorry, Ocean-chan. We’ll make it up to you later. You like oil?

 

 

Kid Cancer

I’m neither a British politician nor a Subway mascot, so these kids aren’t doing much for my dick.

Okay, but really, who the fuck even eats Subway? Even Jimmy John’s tastes better, and I’m pretty sure their food is sourced from the gutter.

Not-garbage-but-still-garbage-tier

In the dessert, I guess even a cactus looks fuckable.

Acceptable-tier

Statistically speaking, most of you are gonna have to settle for less than me in your lives. This is the tier that represents you giving up on your dreams.

Waifu-tier

If you’re up to date on your ships, you probably already know who’s gonna be in here.

The Other Ship Classes

No need for another post beyond this one, cuz all boats are trash in comparison to Katori.

It’s like looking into a waifu mirror. <3

DameDesuYo not only screwed the pooch on Classroom Crisis, they raped the fucking kennel.

Table of Contents

Release Information

Visual Quality

Script Quality

Results

Release Information

Episode details.

Release format: MKV (275 MB, 10-bit)

Japanesiness: High.

English style: American English.

Encoding details: http://pastebin.com/npUQyuia

Speed: Slow (>48 hours)

Translation style: Aniplex edit, though you probably wouldn’t believe it from the state of the script.

External links.

Group website: http://damedesuyo.com/

IRC channel: #DameDesuYo@irc.rizon.net

Visual Review

Karaoke.

Opening.

Rating: Everying about this is bad.

Ending.

Rating: Also bad.

Normally, I’d offer webms to show you how the karaoke looks in motion. But to prevent your internet connection from cutting itself like a tumblrina, I’m gonna save you the headache and tell ya it looks exactly like it does in the screenshots.

I believe the karaoke is improved in later episodes, but that doesn’t matter much for an episode 02 review.

Typesetting.

Ignoring the bad English, the big problem here is the placement/sizing. Fonts often collide with their boundaries, drawing viewers away from the show and toward how fucking awkwardly stretched everything is. There’s a reason why 0-point margins are universally reviled.

Script Review

Main Script.

Repetitious, unnecessary dialogue plagues the script almost as much as the script plagues the script.

I very rarely take issue with incomplete sentences in scripts, simply because they come up so often in natural conversation. Here, however, it’s nothing but uncanny valley.

Doesn’t bode well for a release when the editor couldn’t pass a written Turing test.

No he hadn’t.

Wait a minute… That Engrishy dialogue seems familiar. Kojima, is that you?

Dammit Kojima, this kind of Dark_Sage-targeted viral marketing is unwarranted and unnecessary — you should’ve known I had MGSV pre-ordered as soon as you introduced Quiet. <3

Offically, this acronyms to SWPRE, not SWNPR as DDY has it in the rest of the release.

Apparently there was a tug-of-war between the editor and the TLC as to what naming order to use, and the viewer lost.

Also, Kaito is not the “homeroom teacher of Kirishina Academy”. Has the sign TL ever even stepped inside a school?

It’s its.

The constant spelling mistakes are a bigger cry for help than trying to overdose on fucking Allegra. I hope the editor gets the ESL classes he so desperately needs.

Alternatively, begna could start teaching his staff how to use Aegisub. It ain’t hard.

It’s like someone put MLK’s speech through Google Translate a couple times and came back with this. Good joke, sure, but let’s keep the memes to a minimum.

Please learn what the words you’re using mean. These aren’t even hard ones.

More spelling mistakes. What a fucking surprise. And by that, I mean I’m not surprised at all. Zing!

A lot of the dialogue you’ll encounter in this release appears to have been written in silos. Here, the lines are spoken back to back.

Just drop the “However” and this would read fine.

I realize this is gonna sound weird coming from the kind of guy who gets hype at Chinese restaurants “because the menus are practically made of anime symbols”, but take it down a fucking notch, holy shit. You guys are the reason I dread interacting with people at anime cons.

More instantaneous than instantaneous? DDY has quite the unique perspective on reality in this release.

Remember how I pointed out that learning how to use the spellcheck function would be a good life skill for the editor to learn? Well, I forgot to mention that Aegisub also automatically spellchecks for you.

The editor literally had to look at this line (and all the other lines), think to himself “no, it’s the world that’s wrong”, and fucking commit his failure to internet permanence. Great job, tomoda, you piece of shit. I hope you choke to death on alphabet soup.

Results

Watchability: Watchable, but why bother?

Visual grade: C-

Script grade: D-

Overall grade: D

Don’t pull a me and assume DDY is the release to go with for Classroom Crisis. Obviously, my faith was entirely misplaced (and this is a good argument for why you shouldn’t judge a release based on brand name alone).

I have a feeling FFF will be your go-to for Classroom Crisis, but you shouldn’t feel too enthused about settling for them.

At this point, you’re probably better off just dropping the show entirely. Viva Fansubbing 2015.

Back to top

I think I promised this review sooner…

Table of Contents

Release Information

Translation

Other Observations

Final Grade

Release Information

Episode details.

Release format: MKV (343MB, 10-bit)

Translation: Original Translation™

Wap Level: Full Wap

English style: American English.

Speed: Slow (barely) (>48 hours)

External links.

Group websites: https://www.goodjobmedia.com  http://www.mezashite.net

IRC channels: #goodjob@irc.rizon.net   #mezashite@irc.rizon.net

Translation

Karaoke.

OP: It’s good, but I think the ” far-off dream” here refers to that uncle or whoever that was in the first episode.

ED: Very good, the translation is a lot less stiffer than I would have come up with.

Main Script.

MINOR NITPICK

Really wished they jazzed up the imouto’s lines just to show how annoying she sounds.

ERROR

She uses the ka particle between “secure and protect people with power” and “threaten them from using their powers,” and that means “either/or.”

NITPICK

I’d call this something other than “beaten up.”

ERROR

“Do you think I have time pick and choose?”

ERROR

Judging by the context, that hai doumo should be “Okay, thanks.”

NITPICK

Literal TL is “Shit! Don’t take up time, we lost him, didn’t we?” and I believe he wasted her time even before the stareoff.

NITPICK

I wish they put this exchange in the context of market demand for her undie pics.

MAJOR NITPICK

Hakase actually means “Ph.D.,” and not (necessarily) a medical doctor

ERROR

Should be, “Maybe they recognize how talented you are. / So what? It’s a music school?”

ERROR

Kanmuryou de koufun shitsutsu netsukemasu means the opposite of that.

Other Observations

Why not use the word “jamming” like in the original engrish?

Yes, the positioning of the title makes sense, but it’s still hard to read.

Is that a lower-case “u” on “Umi”?

Final Grade: B+

Despite whatever issues I had with this release, the script reads clean and solid, so at this point in time Kaylith Good Job! Media and Mezashite are the best choice for this show.

Back to top

Spoilers up to episode 8, but it’s another masterpiece article by me-sama, so read on anyway.

The Drama

With scenes like this, you’d better believe there’s gonna be a shitton.

Primarily characterized by incessant reminders that you should be sad, Key series attempt to instill emotion in viewers by building up boring characters and then tearing them right the fuck down.

And sometimes they deserve it.

Though it feels like Key’s following a good template for Charlotte, the inefficient pacing/direction keeps it from living up to its potential.

“The times when you saw only one set of footprints in the sand… Those were the times when I carried you.” #Deep #MemesForJesus

Nearly every Key moment™ that would seem good on paper fails to impress in the anime. But rather than just taking my word for it, let’s go through the fucking list:

Episodes 1-5

On paper: Characters & relationships are developed so that when the tragedies kick in, they will have legitimate impact on the viewers.

In reality: Nothing but filler.

What the fuck purpose did this guy serve?

Episode 6

On paper: The best character in the show accidentally kills herself while trying to avoid a yandere Nevada-chan, and MC-kun desperately tries to save her but finds himself far too late to help.

In reality: Both characters are “killed off” super awkwardly, to the point that you just have to assume they’re both alive, cuz if even Game of Thrones is shitting the bed on this front, who has any expectations for Japan?

This kind of an ending is the equivalent of a half-hearted handy. Thanks for trying, but really, you shouldn’t have.

For full impact, MC-kun shouldn’t have factored into the ending, and lolimouto should’ve died in episode 6, not in the opening scenes of ep 7. I’m watching the show for tears, not a semi-hard dick that I don’t feel like finishing off but emotionlessly do so anyway cuz that’s what being an adult means.

Episode 7

We’ve been over this. And also, R2 should never be emulated unless you plan on turning the MC into a god-king martyr that single-handedly redeems the anime genre with the sheer sumptuous fucking brilliance of his death scene.

Unfortunately I don’t think Charlotte’s MC-kun is gonna become the Emperor of Ramen.

Episode 8

On paper: Super Hot Blind Chick, who’s also the vocalist for a thematically critical band, fucks bitches and gets paid.

In reality: SHBC wastes an entire day mentoring MC Piece of Shit’s emo ass.

She’s so hot tho.

It’s all pretty much a joke at this point, and I’m almost out of hope for this emotional roller coaster to bring me where I wanna be. But luckily there’s another component to the show that doesn’t suffer from poor direction…

The Character Interactions

Charlotte’s mediocre melodrama is boosted significantly by the characters and how they interact with one another. Though, I should clarify that I’m mainly referring to the slapstick, since the only on-screen chemistry comes from the characters fucking each other’s days up.

Or, of course, Yusa being Yusa.

I find it hard to even crack a smile at most series these days, but damned if each episode of Charlotte doesn’t find me grinning like an idiot at the same joke being repeated over and over cuz the Stockholm Syndrome has my brain turned to dough. And I mean that in a good way.

The more I think about it, the more I realize this is what fucking Inou-Battle was supposed to be.

Remember this piece of shit? Yeah, turns out Trigger can do wrong.

Likable characters getting into shenanigans: that’s about all you need. Well, except for…

Nao’s Fucking Mouth, Man

That’s what I’m talking about.

And the words that come out of it too…

Oh. My. God.

Puddi was well within his rights to turn his phone background into her open-mouth bitch face, cuz goddamn. When I got to see it in action at AniRevo, I was pitching more tents than a fucking boy scout camp.

I just want her to fucking breathe on me.

It’s like Japan invents new fetishes every day, and as a legitimate anime journalist, I have no choice but to line up for my serving. Top job, Key, you sick fucks. Top job.

Conclusion

Charlotte’s not a good anime by objective measures, and I think everyone knows it. But it’s so endearing in spite of that, and Nao’s mouth is so hot, that I don’t feel ashamed for looking past its faults.

Currently, I gotta peg Charlotte at a solid 8. But when the inevitable Nao-related drama hits (you know it’s gonna be brutal), I’ll boost its score by 1 for each of my eyes that shed tears. Don’t let me down, Key.

Do it for her (mouth).

It’s sad that the most original anime this season is based off books written by a guy who died 50 years ago. (Note that I am going for more of an “educational” vibe here, so don’t expect too much sagey writing.)

Table of Contents

Release Information

Visual Quality

Script Quality

Results

Release Information

Episode details.

Release format: MKV (410 MB, 8-bit), 1080p MKV (700 MB, 8-bit)

Japanesiness: No honorifics. Western name order.

English style: American English.

Encoding details: http://pastebin.com/krGKx6Lz

Speed: Quick (<48 hours)

Translation style: Official subs.

Visual Review

Karaoke.

Opening.

Rating: It’s Funimation, so you know it sucks.

Ending.

Rating: Same.

Typesetting.

I don’t even know wtf a scramble intersection is.

The typesetting blends about as well as rocks.

Other.

It would be hard to parse what exactly is being said, and by whom, without pausing half the frames in this scene. Funi needs to stop holding onto subtitle standards developed in the 80’s.

Script Review

Main Script.

Like I mentioned earlier, these critiques are gonna be sort of bland. On the upside, it took me only like an hour to write all this shit, which is a damn good confidence booster.

ESLs, feel free to ask for any further details around these lines and the issues/fixes. For full explanations, I’d need to write a couple paragraphs on each (which would get really boring for you and for me), so I’m happy to help if you need a bit of clarification on these.

Fisthead-kun’s not actually offended, nor is he playing at HR. Try “uncalled for” instead of “inappropriate”. Carries more of the (almost comically) exasperated tone that needs to get across.

“poses as a” -> “only plays at being”

The tone needs to be far more dismissive than it currently is. Also, he wouldn’t be posing as “a” Robin Hood; he’d be posing as Robin Hood.

“gimmick” or “trademark” is what you want. “policy” is pretty nonsensical here, even if it was said in Engrish.

“Akechi… You really try to avoid cases you have no interest in, don’t you?”

You generally wanna avoid throwing “not” in a sentence more than is actually needed. Reason being, you don’t want your readers to constantly try and calculate what’s being said.

For example, I did not not not not not not masturbate to this.

Though in the above example, you probably didn’t need to math it up to figure out what I was saying~

This is translations speak. While it’s technically not unheard of for someone to say “Hey, about that __…” there are generally better ways to word it.

For a simple spot fix, changing “about” to “regarding” or something would suffice, but I’d rather just revamp the entire sentence.

If you haven’t guessed already, this review isn’t gonna be so much about the “wrong” things as it is about simple areas of improvement.

While this is a perfectly acceptable sentence in English, the “in the case file” piece should be moved further up in the dialogue to prevent needless confusion. As-is, the line could legitimately be read as “the missing girls went in the case file to places”, which makes no sense.

“There was a list of places in the case file where the missing girls often went.” (Okay.)

-or-

“In the case file, there was a list of the places where the missing girls often went.” (Better.)

“Girls are almost like God to me.” -> “Little girls are sacred to me.”

“Hence, I never harm girls…” -> “Hence, I would never harm them.”

When he’s saying “girls”, he means in the literal “little girls” sense, which is sorta the whole theme of the episode.

*You’ll

“You’d” is too uncertain here; he’s giving instructions.

“today again” -> “again today”

After giving it a bit of thought, I think the logic behind the current sentence works better than the revision. But language ain’t quite as pure as I am, and “again today” is the far more common phrasing of the sentiment. Yay, conversational English!

You’ve got two options here: “the love of a family” or “familial love”.

Though when I say you have two options, the first one is your only real choice, cuz “familial” is about as common as a tolerable tumblrina.

“Your days of suffering are over.”

“suffering time” seems like the title of a budget horror game.

“He was acquitted and released based on a psychiatric evaluation.”

The use of “then” is entirely unnecessary here; we already know it happened in the past.

Results

Watchability: Watchable.

Overall grade: Pass.

You did it, Funi!

While native speakers may note a few things are off in Funimation’s take on Ranpo Kitan, the general experience is much more tolerable than most of Funimation’s simulcasts.

If you can ignore the standard Funi-tier visuals, you probably won’t mind that this is your only option for the show.

Back to top

CMS and Mao aren’t entirely relevant at this point, but that doesn’t mean I can’t include them in this post just for the hell of it.

Note: CMS and Mao are Crunchyroll edits, whereas Mori is an original translation.

Visuals

Karaoke

Spoiler:

I’d like to crown Mao the victor here, but with every fucking line colliding awkwardly into the next, CMS and Mori simply had better options. Visually, I liked Mori’s better of the two, but I’ll give the nod to CMS here since they at least didn’t spell “friendship” wrong.

Wrong in two fucking languages.

The Fidgets

Spoiler:

CMS and Mao are pretty even here, but due to discolorations in Mao’s release…

I think you can guess what happened with these two.

…and some stupid font choices…

Smap?

…I’m gonna give this one to CMS.

Other Signs

Script

Gyaru

Spoiler:

Since they all used gyaru here, I thought I’d look back to episode 1 and see if any of them actually explained what the fuck a gyaru was. Turns out, none of them could figure out how to accomplish that with their scripts. So I checked their release posts to see if they could even be assed to include a link to a wiki explaining what the term means. Again, I was let down.

Image unrelated. I just wanted to post it.

Until “gyaru” becomes a standard fixture in the Western otaku lexicon, groups should either attempt to explain the term in the subs so that context informs the viewer of its meaning, or attempt to relay the information directly via release posts or as a TL Note in the release itself.

As-is, “gyaru” is basically nonsense to most viewers.

Dialogue – CMS

Spoiler:

CMS handled things… differently from what you’d expect. In addition to adding more flavor to character lines…

Crunchyroll: This is dangerously good…

…they also revamped the CR script to be super Japanesey:

Crunchyroll: Let’s see… Any ideas, Mother?

So altogether, they left it in kind of a weird spot to judge on a literal/liberal basis. I did like it, but I imagine the mixing of styles could be disconcerting to some.

Dialogue – Crunchyroll

Spoiler:

I watched through the episode with CR’s subs first and found I got everything out of the show that I wanted. Nothing in particular to talk about here, but on Crymore, that’s usually a good thing.

That mouth… <3

If you end up watching the show (and it’s a fun one) with CR’s subs, I doubt you’re gonna have too many complaints.

Dialogue – Mao

Spoiler:

The most stable of the script options, Mao offers minor improvements to the original script and then leaves the rest well enough alone.

Except for adding double spaces to the script. Double F-!

There aren’t any asterisks I need to put before a recommendation for this release, so I imagine this is probably the one most people would want to archive.

Dialogue – Mori

Spoiler:

As you’d expect from an original translation, a lot of the lines don’t tend to match up with the Crunchyroll-based scripts. Can’t say the comparisons end up favorable to Mori.

Crunchyroll: You must be really rich.

“posh girl” is a weird fucking thing to call someone.

She’s not agitated so much as she is anxious. The CR scripts used “antsy”, which summed it up in a deliciously flavorful way.

I’m not sure what this is, but it’s certainly not English.

If you want an image to sum up how Mori handled the script, this is the one. Avoid this wapglish for the sake of your sanity.

Best Girlsubs

Best concept.

In order of least bad to most bad:

1. Mao/CMS (Go CMS if you’re feeling wappy and adventurous, otherwise go with Mao, which is a slightly more stable product.)
2. HorribleSubs/Crunchyroll
3. Mori

As I mentioned in the intro, only two of the four releases are even close to being current. As such, you should be fine watching with Crunchyroll and archiving Mao/CMS (if either of them finish the show). Just so long as you avoid Mori, you’ve made the right choice.

I don’t know why I’m reviewing this, but now I do know why I shouldn’t play drinking games during Republican debates.

Table of Contents

Release Information

Visual Quality

Script Quality

Results

Release Information

Episode details.

Release format: MKV (321 MB, 8-bit), 1080p MKV (), 480p MKV ()

Japanesiness: Honorifics. Usually.

English style: American English.

Encoding details: http://pastebin.com/e7jVFCvF

Speed: Simulcast.

Translation style: Crunchy.

Visual Review

Karaoke.

As per the usual for official releases, they don’t consider the OPs/EDs canon, so you ain’t gonna be seeing any translations for the songs until the blu-rays. Well, probably.

Nothing is certain.

Don’t know how PonyCanyon (sorry, never gonna call ’em PonyCan) is gonna manage its US releases, but it’s up in the air considering even Sentai and Funimation have gone so far as to cut songs entirely from releases (Girls und Panzer & Eden of the East, respectively, for notable examples). Guess we’ll find out down the road~

Typesetting.

You can tell Crunchyroll handled the localization duties for this title, cuz the typesetting isn’t hardcancer.

Script Review

Main Script.

There’s a few things going on here, none of which render this part of the script incorrect, but they are still definitely areas of improvement.

First: When you start a list, you’re gonna want to use a colon to start it off. However, and especially when dealing with a script, there is such a thing as stylistic punctuation. As such, I think going for a period in this case was a legitimate choice to both display the underboob kuudere’s curt personality and avoid the anticipation that usually follows a colon.

Second: While “each other” and “one another” are interchangeable in common parlance, it is preferable to use “each other” when the subject of conversation is limited to two individuals, and “one another” when talking about three or more.

While I wouldn’t be surprised to see “in trouble” replaced with “in a pinch” here, it’s refreshing to see a script not entirely beholden to the Engrish that pops up commonly in anime. At the very least, it shows that the translator put some thought into what they were doing.

Yup.

English is a very… well, I don’t wanna say stupid language, but it’s certainly got its kinks. I went over this once in the past, but in practically every instance, “whoa” is gonna be your choice over “woah”. So if for whatever reason you’re still one of the woah holdouts, know that you’re in the wrong.

While I wouldn’t be surprised to see someone shorten this to “He’s someone dependable.”, the next line illustrates why that would be a stupid fucking idea.

While this may not seem like that novel of a concept to you, many script devs still don’t fucking understand that lines should not be translated in a vacuum. So thanks to this one for making me temporarily forget my hatred of the localization scene.

Remember Fuyukai-chan?

Yeah you do.

That’s what we’re dealing with here. “Upsetting” is kind of a weird choice, considering “annoying” or any of its variants would get her point across better. Remember, she ain’t exactly filled with personality, so emotional language is generally gonna be a bad pick.

I was expecting something stronger from this line or at least a bit longer so as to match the Japanese script.

Should be clarified it’s “any normal human”. She goes into one exception in the next line, but this shit should be up front.

Except as evidenced by the ten people who gave entrance to Adlet earlier, that ain’t the fucking case. What he means to say is that although he’s only a private first-class, he’s the highest ranked person left in the fortress, cuz most of the garrison was killed off.

Again, clarification follows this line, but that doesn’t make it retroactively accurate.

If you aren’t particularly paying attention to the script, you may not notice that honorifics drift in and out arbitrarily. Luckily I’d sobered up enough by this point to catch it. Nice try, TL-kun!

Results

Watchability: Watchable.

Overall grade: Pass.

While the translator was working with a pretty dumb script (not like anyone’s expectations for shounen should be high), they did an admirable job at providing a solid English release.

No significant complaints from me here. Good job, CrunchyTL.

And good job to Fremy for being the only reason I even managed to get three episodes into this sleeping aid.

Back to top

Going into this review, I didn’t know what Rakudai Kishi was… and now I wish I never found out. Maybe I should have done the Fall preview after all.

Note: There are three “official” versions of Rakudai Kishi floating out there:

• AnimeLab/Madman (Australia/New Zealand exclusive)
• Hulu/Sentai Filmworks (U.S. exclusive)
• HorribleSubs (“fanrip” – the version you’ll find via torrents or any unofficial streaming service)

While all share the same base translation, their quality is not equivalent. Visually, Hulu’s is the only one that passes the test (HorribleSubs is a straight Madman rip).

As far as whom to assign blame to for the poor TL quality, I’m going to pick on Sentai throughout this review, but it would also be fair to point your middle finger at Madman. Not like these companies ever reveal who’s responsible for their outsourced translations.

Table of Contents

Release Information

Visual Quality

Script Quality

Results

Release Information

Be prepared.

Episode details.

Release format: 720p MKV (294 MB, 8-bit), 1080p MKV (469 MB, 8-bit), 480p (196 MB, 8-bit)

Japanesiness: Honorifics. Japanese name order sometimes, Western name order other times. TL notes because I don’t know why.

English style: Sentai-style English.

Encoding details: http://pastebin.com/q8zc61q6

Speed: Simulcast.

Visual Review

Karaoke.

Ending.

Rating: N/A.

Following the lead of other officialsubs, Sentai Filmworks didn’t bother to license the show’s music, and as such, has not translated the ending.

Hope you didn’t go into an official release with any expectations.

Taking into consideration the quality of Sentai’s subs in the rest of the release, and how the ED is the only good thing about the show, I guess it was a blessing in disguise.

Typesetting.

The typesetting is off in the HorribleSubs/Madman release, to the point where stupid shit like this isn’t uncommon:

When it’s not off, you’ll see Funimation-tier typesetting:

…which is fucking pathetic, since the one thing Sentai did right is the TS. Here’s what you’ll see if you watch the release on Hulu:

Hulu’s release also has more signs translated, just to rub salt in the Aussies’ and Kiwis’ wounds.

Tangent Time

Apostrophising with multiples is a fucking headache. If there’s joint ownership, then you can skip the apostrophe on the first one (for a common example, “Ben & Jerry’s Ice Cream”, cuz the ice cream is both of theirs.) but if the ownership is separate, you use apostrophes for both (“Naruto’s and Sasuke’s outfits are totes kawaii”).

Okay, that’s enough learning for one day. Time to tear down some ESLglish.

Differentiating Speakers.

Don’t expect to be able to do it with HorribleSubs or Madman.

Hulu?

There we go.

Migraine Potential.

If you aren’t watching on Hulu with a good connection, this is the kinda blurfuck you’ll be subjected to:

Still, gotta say it’s better than watching something that looks like it was put through the wash way too many times:

[HorribleSubs]

Timing.

If you watch the HorribleSubs/Madman version of the release, you’ll often find lines off by three syllables or more (and yes, I did pay for an AnimeLab account and a VPN just to verify this).

Yeah, there’s supposed to be dialogue here.

Still, if you aren’t bleeding money like a self-harming hemophiliac, you’re likely gonna be stuck going the HorribleSubs route, cuz Hulu is silver-spoon expensive.

Yup, you’re getting fucked either way. Welcome to simulcasting 2015.

Script Review

Main Script.

You know you’re in for a good time when you can’t even guess what the translator was trying to get at.

The study abroad? What? Fuck, I can already tell this post is gonna get depressing quick. Have some upbeat to keep you alive:

Inspiration, Sentai style.

Note: This is how you alienate an audience.

It may be 2015, but Sentai is keen on “translating” like it’s 20 years ago. I can understand the desire to get back to their ADV days, but at this point it’s getting kinda pathetic. Ledford, you gotta learn when to fold ’em. Relics belong in museums.

Fuck my brain, this reads like a Wikia page.

Right after this line, we’re treated to a row of four trophies, with 4th to 6th place finishes. How do English works?

Human consciousness was a mistake.

I am quite piqued. Homophones aren’t that hard so long as you have a passable understanding of the language. While Sentai’s TL clearly doesn’t, a one-off pass by one of Sentai’s American mouth breathers would have only taken ~30 minutes. This basic incompetence is unacceptable.

In my 32 years of reviewing anime subtitles, I have never seen “take a responsibility” until today. I guess it’s true what they say about monkeys and keyboards.

The “it gets better” campaign was wrong.

I don’t know what dictionary Sentai’s TL is using, but I don’t think it’s an English one.

you’d -> you’ll

Taking into account all the failed English in the rest of the show, this is a trivial mistake. But I think we all deserve a bit of a break from the clusterfuck of Engrish we’ve been subjected to.

Much like interacting with my co-workers, this is a textbook example of a failed attempt at conversation.

This was probably a super deep metaphor in Japanese. As such, I guess I can’t fault Sentai for translating it directly, and without any consideration for how it reads in English. Got me this time, guys~

His ability is actually called “Blade Steal”, as in he copies his opponents’ sword techniques, but good guess.

She says “feint” in English here. I can’t even begin to follow the translator’s thought process here, cuz I’m afraid my brain would shut down as a defensive maneuver.

gift -> talent

Sentai’s TL is gifted in all the wrong ways.

Sure is some redundant redundancy here.

Thankfully the show is generic enough that you can generally figure out what’s going on without needing to understand the Engrish. If Rakudai were halfway decent, however, the subs would come across as complete gibberish.

She’s saying he’s been treated unfairly, not that he’s a duplicitous weasel.

Normally I’d be incredulous that anyone could misunderstand a show so thoroughly basic. But if there’s any human too stupid to understand Rakudai, then it’s probably Sentai’s TL.

Boxes all the way down.

Bitch be crazy, but line be wrong.

Try, “I lost completely, Ikki.”

Thanks to Sentai, everyone who watched their translation did too.

Results

Whether you watch this on Hulu, Madman, or with HorribleSubs, the Sentai-translated version of this show is a failure on multiple fronts. While the anime itself may not be great, Sentai goes out of its way to show such complete contempt for its audience that only a mental invalid could find these subs acceptable.

If you still want to watch the show, yet aren’t keen on re-translating every line in your head, I strongly suggest holding out for a better option. Given the expected popularity of Rakudai (or lack thereof), I expect that means you may have to wait for the blu-rays and hope that Japan will do a re-translation, in-house.

How far we’ve come.

Overall grade: Fail.

Back to top

Normally I like to give fansubs a week to get running, but for short series, I don’t think that’s particularly necessary.

[Crunchyroll]

In general, Crunchyroll commenters should not have internet access.

Release format (based on the [HorribleSubs] rips):

• 480p MKV (22 MB, 8-bit)
• 720p MKV (48 MB, 8-bit)
• 1080p MKV (80 MB, 8-bit)

Japanesiness: Honorifics. “onsen” as “hot springs”. “manjuu” as “steam bun”.

English style: American English.

Encoding details: http://pastebin.com/KBR0Tg4f

Speed: Simulcast, but with a slight delay (~5 hours).

Website: http://www.crunchyroll.com/

Spoiler:

Karaoke.

Nothing to see here, as you’d generally expect with Crunchyroll. The OP is entirely unremarkable, so I won’t even bother with a “clean” credited OP.

Keep it in your pants, sister.

 

 

Typesetting.

 

Par for the Crunchy course, the typesetting is serviceable but unimpressive.

 

 

Release.

Colons can be shitty, but I woulda preferred one here over the comma choice.

I wonder if this is readable if you’re color blind, cuz it sure as hell ain’t from my perspective.

Nasty? In response to a kid calling herself a hot springs deity?

Guess the generation raised on tumblr is old enough to get a TL gig with Crunchyroll. We’re so fucked.

Just a succinct, perfectly worded line. +1 like.

 

 

tl;dr.

It’s a three-minute show, and Crunchyroll didn’t fuck up too much. So yeah, pass.

[Mori]

You gotta be a bit worried when the TL complains about the difficulty of translating a three-minute anime.

Release format: 720p MKV (47 MB, 10-bit)

Japanesiness: Honorifics. “onsen” as “onsen”. “manjuu” as “manjuu”.

English style: American English.

Encoding details: http://pastebin.com/2Udk5eXW

Speed: Per Mori’s plans, this should go up ~1 day after the show airs.

Website: http://mori-subs.blogspot.com/

Crunchyroll vs Mori.

There isn’t anything that will particularly punish you for your choice of going one route or the other. I’m inclined to give the nod to Crunchyroll simply for speed and consistency, but if you’re really into the bells and whistles that are typically associated with fansubs, and are fine with the somewhat questionable translation decisions they made, Mori is a fine option.

Not that there’s too much on the line for a forgettable show like Hakone-chan.

Three posts in one day? Gotta say I’m feeling pretty sagey right now.

Table of Contents

Release Information

Visual Quality

Script Quality

Results

Release Information

Episode details.

Release format (based on the [HorribleSubs] rips):

• 480p MKV (49 MB, 8-bit)
• 720p MKV (107 MB, 8-bit)
• 1080p MKV (179 MB, 8-bit)

Japanesiness: Can’t really tell how it’s gonna be. There weren’t even any honorifics in the Japanese script for this episode.

English style: American English.

Encoding details: http://pastebin.com/t0NJHe94

Speed: Simulcast.

Translation style: Crunchy.

Website: http://www.crunchyroll.com/

Visual Review

Karaoke.

Opening.

No need for a webm here, but it’s kawaii as fuck so you’re gonna get one anyway.

Webm link

This OP’s so sugary sweet, my dick got a cavity. Well, another one.

…

…You know what, that’s a bad metaphor. Let’s forget I ever went there. Have some best girl to wash that mental image away:

Ending.

There may be an ED, but I don’t care about it as much as the OP, so let’s move on.

Typesetting.

As Crunchy as you’d expect.

Other.

Crunchyroll has consistently demonstrated that they’re fine with using multiple colors in their subs (via typesetting), so I’m not sure why they haven’t applied that same logic to differentiating between multiple speakers. Anime dialogue can get confusing when you get a couple characters talking, so this is the kinda situation that definitely needs addressing.

Script Review

Main Script.

The way this is phrased makes it seem like they were… formed from some other lifeform? Fucking weird is what it is. Pretty sure all the line’s supposed to get across is “You’re HackaDolls, so stop being lazy sacks of shit and do something with your bit-forsaken lives.”

-up

I can understand the desire to throw up in the sentence, but it’s a pretty bad look no matter how tactfully done.

Crunchyroll got this line right, just wanted to address that it really is ado, and not adieu.

Google results, take notice.

I get the feeling “bandwagoner” is some doujin scene term that I just haven’t encountered yet, cuz this line doesn’t make much sense otherwise. If it isn’t (my google results have been inconclusive), then yeah, this needs to be rephrased.

To change tack, the characterization and phrasing is pretty good here. Slang is used tactfully and in a manner that matches the Japanese dialogue…

…the subtitles match the pacing…

…and CR gives the harshest burns…

I’ll admit none of these are particularly outstanding, and probably wouldn’t be worthy of pointing out in a lengthier show, but they do add up to a pretty good release in this instance.

Results

Unlike the poor effort by Sentai, this is a solid example of where simulcasts should be hitting. You probably don’t even need to bother with looking for an alternate option for the show, if one even appears.

As far as HackaDoll itself goes… the show is dumb fun. Put this on your watch list if you’re fine with avoiding the crippling depression of reality for 8 minutes an episode.

Plus, any series that flashes back by going 4:3 shoujo deserves some attention. Give it a chance if you’re bored, but don’t expect it to be anything higher than a 7/10.

Overall grade: Pass, for both the subs and the show.

Back to top

I’d say this post has spoilers, but there isn’t a plot to spoil, so… [But seriously, there are fucktons of spoilers.]

The Bosses

Metal Gear as a series is defined and immortalized by its bosses.

“Ocelot Unit” is still one of the best boss fights in any game. Shit, I still do the Ocelot point every now and then.

Yet in this game, where you play as a character called Big Boss, the only memorable boss fight is riding with Two-Face’s half-brother in a car for 30 fucking minutes as the game tries to see whether or not you’ll get bored enough to turn it off.

Here’s some of the others, and the brilliant strategies they require from the player:

• Quiet – Snipe and duck.
• Man on Fire – Run away.
• The Skulls Parasite Unit – Run away until the game forces you to fight. Then just do the “Press R” QTEs.
• Sahelanthropus – Fire RPG, reload, dodge, repeat.

None of these fights are inventive mechanically or thematically, nor are they memorable in the least. The one-hour, on-rails shooter from the beginning of the game was more intense and captivating than these “marquee” encounters. Paz died for this? :/

Yeah, guess Kojima offed her just for this outfit. Can’t blame him though.

The Game”play”

Dealing with broken environments and managing your boredom efficiently is about the only thing that approaches a difficulty in this sleeping aid.

The mission structure makes each new outing feel like a chore, and the pacing of the story removes all hints of relevance from the storyline missions. Throughout the entire 50-mission game, maybe 10 actually mattered. And the vast majority of the “second half” of the game was just missions from the first half… but repeated with stupid requirements like “fight the shotgun wielders bare-handed” or “run into a group of 20 people and avoid detection or you automatically lose”.

Not done bitching just yet.

Then there’s the unskippable FOB system. MGSV forces you to participate in an online mode where you can lose resources in single player… even when you aren’t fucking playing the game.

Of particular note is that you won’t be able to reach any of the higher levels of defending your base without paying Konami $10 to level it up by getting a second one. But that’s a good bargain, because by buying that second base, you can lower the amount of time it takes to grind for all the useless weapons the game has. That’s not predatory f2p bullshit at all!

Sike! I was being sarcastic!

Christ, I have so much to complain about with the game design that I’m just gonna have to shove it in a bullet list later on. But yeah, shit sux.

The Story

#Depth

So you’re Big Boss and you gotta get revenge for your base getting blown up. To do so, you recruit an army of hardened mercenaries to babysit a handful of douchebag children who end up stealing all your shit and infecting a bunch of your soldiers with parasites. By the end of the game, you go crazy by literally not going crazy at all. Also, you’re not Big Boss — you’re just some random who got plastic surgery. End plot.

That’s a bit out of place.

Seriously, what the fuck? This is the final Metal Gear game in the entire fucking canon, and all we get is some say-nothing bullshit that raises more questions than answers, and only introduces more stupid fucking plotholes to the poorly thought-out overarching storyline? Shit, if this wasn’t the thirteenth time Kojima pulled that, I’d be surprised.

The Characters

Quiet’s the only decent character, and that’s just cuz she has a hot body.

I’d say she’s badass, but almost dying just to get a shitty fucking wooden necklace for some kid means I wasn’t too pissed when she left the party permanently.*

*I’m only saying that. Chemical Whiskey for life.

While he was a badass in MGS3, Ocelot is now the pedophile uncle no one in your family wants to acknowledge.

What a fall from grace.

Kaz is… Well, I guess his hamburger plotline was kinda funny.

And then I guess there’s this:

Big Boss, plz.

Other Things to Whine About

Wouldn’t bother opening this spoiler unless you’re one of those idiots who disagrees with my opinion and thinks they can challenge my brilliance in the comments section. And I’m only throwing all this here cuz if I complained about everything I wanted to, we’d end up with a 30-page thesis on the benefits of not letting Kojima anywhere near other humans.

Spoiler:

• Can’t climb up half the fucking cliffs in the game.
• Story is relayed entirely via cassette tapes. And I swear to god if I have to hear one more hackneyed explanation about how parasites work…
• Shit voice acting, and I’m not just saying that because Jack Bauer is a shitty VA — this was a team effort.
• Chapter 2. Let’s be serious.
• Barren, pointless environments do nothing but rack up the time it takes to complete the piss-easy “missions”.
• Helicopter transport sucks and only serves to waste the player’s time.
• S-Ranks are just speedruns.
• Development times have no purpose other than making you waste time in-game, waiting for your shit to develop. 24 real-time hours in-game just to develop a fucking nuke? And then it tears my Heroism in half? Fucking wow.
• Dialogue more vapid than an Echosmith song. No, seriously, compare these two lines:
  • “Cool to me is kind of being unique and being someone you want to be. And like how you see yourself. I guess.”
  • “Meme. That is Big Boss’s plan.”

Back to playing MGS3 for the umpteenth time.

Conclusion

I can see now why Konami fired Kojima. This is a hack game made by a professional hack.

Overall score: It’s not as good as MGS4, but this is still one of the best games I’ve ever played. 10/10.

Godspeed, Kojima. May your next project be even half as good as this.

Another victory for literacy.

Oh, the Humanity~

Even though the basic story is stupid generic, you can tell with the manga that the author cared about this thing, cuz the characters actually interact with each other.

Whereas with the anime, you’re basically getting two cardboard cutouts that may happen to share dialogue in the same frame.

This is the same scene as the one I posted from the manga. Lot of fucking emotion there.

And don’t expect anything like the following in the anime:

No, anything that makes the characters somewhat endearing isn’t serious enough. Christ, the director for this shit was responsible for Watamote, Negima!?, and Baka to Test. What the fuck happened?

Characterization – MC-kun

It’s funny, cuz even though the MC became this buff, standard everyhero in the anime, he still comes out the worse for it by virtue of having any character nuance stripped away.

Here’s just a bit of the background given to him in the manga:

And what does the anime give us in regards to his motivation and history?

Four seconds of nothing, translated by an idiot.

Characterization – Onee-san

The onee-san chainsmokes like a construction worker in the manga. Even though smoking sucks or whatever, you have to admit it does look cool as fuck. Manga wins.

Characterization – Stella

Honestly, couldn’t even tell you what separates anime Stella from every other red-haired mega-bitch of the past few years.

You could tell me this screenshot wasn’t from Rakudai and I’d believe you 100%.

It seems her only purpose is to serve as a tsundere checkbox on the real hero‘s to-do list.

“Welp, guess I gotta suck his dick now.”

In the manga she actually serves as a main character, with personality and more consideration given to her background than a two-line flashback.

Now, I don’t want to give the impression that the manga is some literary masterpiece with great characters and a lack of paint-by-numbers Japanese sexism, but it sure as fuck is 100x better at humanity than the anime is.

Fap/Schlick Material

Fine, anime. You can have this one.

Translation

While the scanlation is as shit as most scanlations are, it should take you significantly less time to read the manga than watch the anime. So by virtue of having less contact with the cancer, the scanlations win this round.

tl;dr

This is how the manga ended the introduction arc:

And here’s how it got animated:

Fuck everyone involved with the Rakudai anime, and may their families die terrible deaths.

I can’t believe Jun had the temerity to serve us reconstituted pizza sauce. Key is dead to me.

For those of you just joining us, I was a bit bullish on Charlotte, from what I had seen in the first eight episodes. Having just finished the series, I will admit that some mistakes were made.

Plot

How am I supposed to make a pizza without the sauce?

Maeda, you spineless sack of shit. The only fucking thing this show had going for it was Ayumi’s death. You can’t just hand-wave it away with your wibbly wobbly time-fucked bullshit. And substituting her death for I-forgot-his-name’s was not an acceptable alternative.

Wouldn’t know; they skipped over the only interesting thing that involved your character.

Fuck Furuki’s family

So? Seriously, what the fuck is wrong with these kids that they’d trade the lives of thousands on the offchance one shitbag gets to see his fuckspawn again? Unless Furuki’s wife was legitimately willing to jerk off every fucking teenage kid in that facility, this makes about as much sense as why people who watch Abridged series don’t kill themselves.

This shit

Filler-fucked garbage.

There’s no resolution offered by having Misa go visit her parents, and by the show’s logic, she never would have. Remember, this bitch’s arc was wrapped up in episode three, and yet they keep trodding her out because who the fuck knows. And this scene is supposed to be dramatic?

The only tissues I needed were for dat skirt.

Now that I think about it, half the fucking show was B-plot filler. Cut that shit and maybe the pacing wouldn’t have felt half as coked-up as an episode of Concrete Revolutio.

Final arc

Is this supposed to be an elaborate joke? Surely there isn’t an audience out there so stupid as to swallow this shit smoothie with nothing but a witless grin.

Frame-specific cringe

Think of this as an album of moments you’d rather forget.

The only credit I’ll give to Maeda for this shitshow is that the final power wasn’t “love”.

Characters

Cry less

We already went through Yuu’s emo arc before, so why were we subjected to three more episodes of this pathetic bullshit?

And then despite going insane, Yuu never breaks this shitty promise to not travel back in time and fix everything that way. Yeah, I get it — he doesn’t wanna spend one more episode than he has to on this shitty show — but I expect a bit more for my 13-episode time investment than the anime equivalent of a dry hump.

Jun, loosen your jaw and finish your fucking job.

Waifu of the yesterday

I knew something was amiss when I went to Caly’s, interrupting her halfway through the final episode, and she was just chipper as fuck, throwing her cat all over the place per the usual.

No drama? Nao lived in the end? Come on. The fuck would I want with a living girl?

Kitty titty potential missed

Ain’t a guy or girl in history who could deny how hot Medoki’d look in cat ears and spandex. Yet in not one single episode do we get to see her living up to her character’s potential. Not one.

#FuckJun

I still haven’t eaten lunch yet, so I’m gonna ship the post without a cool ending tagline and grab some Culver’s

I stand by my original commentary — the show is an 8/10 with variable points for how many tears it could eke out of me. As both tear ducts have now fully receded into my head out of disuse, I’m dropping it by a point for each missed opportunity.

Taken as a drama, Charlotte would set that genre back by about 10 years, but if you took this limp-wristed Japanese male power fantasy as anything but a poor-man’s shounen, then you fell subject to the only plot twist of the series. Whether that was Jun’s intent or not is irrelevant.

The worst part about being an anime fan is the anime.

Not Fucking Watching/10

Dropped/10

Bad/10

Meh/10

Spoiler:

Shingeki! Kyojin Chuugakkou (Attack on Titan Junior High)

“Attack on Titan, but everyone’s chibi and in middle school” is the kinda joke you’d bandy around with your buddies for an hour or two after a couple drinks. But it gets much less funny when there’s real time put into it. 3-minute episodes would be tolerable, but a series of 12 17-minute videos? Eh…

 

Owari no Seraph S2 (Seraph of the End S2)

The first season sucked and the second does too. But I guess it definitively answered the question of “Will fujoshi watch something just cuz it has pretty boys in it?”

 

Noragami Aragoto

I just finished up a marathon of the first season, so I’m prepared to say this is gonna be 100% better since we don’t have to deal with another 6-episode marathon of Yukine being a whiny shitbag.

And it only comes at the cost of watering down Bishamon’s character like it was that fucking tap-water-and-cola “Long Island” I had at AMC last week. What a bargain.

 

Dance With Devils

It’s like Diabolik Lovers, but with less rape, better incest, and a cooler outfit for the MC. So yeah, it’s still mediocre, but at least it ain’t setting the human race back a century.

 

Comet Lucifer

Don’t take Comet Lucifer’s placement in the meh section to be a heavy knock against the show. Rather, the first episode consisted of so much setup that it’s impossible to tell if the payoff’s gonna be worth it just yet.

I am actually gonna be a bit bullish on this one and say that it may end up being one of my favorites this season. Give me an episode or two before you ask me why, cuz I don’t want this to end up being another Galilei Donna situation.

 

Gakusen Toshi Asterisk (The Asterisk War: The Academy City on the Water)

The only thing that makes Gakusen better than Gakuen is… uh… I dunno, I guess I just like it more.

 

Heavy Object

Gentlemen, I like war. And onee-sans. God, if only the show had something happen in the first episode, I could rate this higher. Japan, plz. I need my lung cancer.

 

Mobile Suit Gundam – Iron-Blooded Orphans

Engrish courtesy of bad ripping by HorribleSubs.

It’s a Gundam that doesn’t have 00 in the subtitle, so yeah, it’s probably gonna suck. Just hasn’t given me a reason to take much of a stance on it yet. ~_~

 

Osomatsu-san

The entire first episode was spent pissing all over common tropes & popular anime. While that was enough to moderately impress me, I am quite worried that this series won’t have much to go on in subsequent episodes. Please, prove me wrong, Japan.

 

K – Return of Kings

It’s K.

 

Young Black Jack

Though YBJ is objectively trash, its formulaity is somewhat comforting. It’s basically the junk food of anime.

Top 5 6

Spoiler:

6. One-Punch Man

OPM is the kinda anime that likely came straight out of a writing seminar prompt. Still, everything in the show is so intelligently taut that you can almost forget you’re watching a show where the premise is “a guy punches things once and they die”.

My nearest comparison for OPM is the manga version of Prison School — you don’t think think the series could last too long with a plot so banal, but then you realize you never watched shit for the story anyway.

That’s why Dai Sato is stuck writing the scripts for Gyrozetter, Kaitou Joker, and fucking Battle Spirits instead of another Ergo Proxy. You monster.

 

5. Utawarerumono – Itsuwari no Kamen (Utawarerumono – The False Faces)

What can I say? I’m into tail.

 

4. Subete ga F ni Naru (The Perfect Insider)

I’ll give Subete points for creating dialogue that could elicit a glare from me. And it earns even more points for having a heavy veneer of grimness covering the whole drawn-out shebang. That all adds up to about 8 out of 10, which is where I think the show will end up settling anyway.

A more critical person might have this around a 6, but pretentious garbage is sorta my wheelhouse, so~

 

3. Sakurako-san no Ashimoto ni wa Shitai ga Umatteiru (Beautiful Bones)

If this image doesn’t necessitate you finding a towel, you’re too casual to be swayed by my words anyway.

 

2. Lance N’ Masques

I’m too tired to figure out why I like this show, but if “it’s cute” cuts it for you, we’ll go with that.

 

1. Valkyrie Drive ~Mermaid~

This show is legitimately fantastic, not only for its social consciousness regarding sexuality, but also for its insightful examination & critique of traditional power structures. Females are the sole focus of the series, and the means by which they advance their agenda — through their own pleasure — is a masterfully positioned middle finger toward every series where the female characters exist solely as tools to be used.

This is symbolic or something.

Hate if you want, but I’d like to think I’m advancing the feminist cause with every stroke. And yes, I do legitimately have this as 10/10.

~~~

Guess this is where I’ll throw the rating table in coming posts if I can even be bothered. I have issues with following through on anything but my golf swing. And also my golf swing.

If the format of these weekly posts ain’t 100% intuitive, I’ve only watched the second episode of everything in here. It’d get confusing as fuck if I did it any other way.

Dropped/10

Spoiler:

Attack on Titan Junior High

Without a near-lethal dose of Adderall, I cannot see myself tolerating this show for another minute. I mean, fuck, if I couldn’t even stand Nyoro~n Churuya-san for more than two episodes, what chance did this megas tumor have?

 

 

Dance With Devils

Oh boy, another pointless backstory!

Diabolik Lovers may have set gender relations back a few years with its glorification of rape, but at least you can’t say it was as skull-boringly boring as Dance With Devils is. Yet the biggest tragedy of all is how these Twilight-lite series waste such cute outfits on throwaway MCs.

;_;

Please, Japan, can we have a do-over on these? I’ll almost forgive you for not greenlighting a second season of Ben-To.

 

 

Osomatsu-san

For all the low points this series has (and there are many), the one or two high points in each episode easily make up for them. But… I just can’t masturbate to it. Dropped.

Bad/10

Spoiler:

Taimadou Gakuen 35 Shiken Shoutai

If the show hadn’t thrown a yandere at me, this’d be in the dropped box.

Still, there’s only so much a killer bishie can do for what amounts to the cheapest rip-off of the Fate/series since… well, fuck, I can’t think of anything. Even the worst series on the planet have had the good sense not to lower themselves to Type-Moon’s level. Will drop when he dies.

 

 

Concrete Revolutio

The timeskipping in Revolutio isn’t complicated; it’s just hard to care about. I also hate all the characters.

Revolutio’s toast game is strong, though.

 

 

Young Black Jack

Stupidity, rather than formulaity, is the primary issue with Black Jack. I’m fine with suspending disbelief in an anime, but you can’t expect any cognizant viewer to accept that a simple face-lift will allow an uneducated 20-year-old to successfully masquerade as the influential, 60-year-old leader of a mega-cult for the rest of their life. Come on now.

Meh/10

Spoiler:

Owari no Seraph S2

I thought the bullshit setup arcs were over, but apparently that shit was just beginning. God, what a waste of cute characters.

 

 

Heavy Object

I like that it’s not Gundam, but it really should be Gundam. Normal war is boring.

 

 

Noragami Aragoto

Noragami sure knows how to drag a plot to its breaking point (and then some). The only reason I haven’t dropped this shit is that it’s so generic, it’d feel like I’m dropping every anime ever (and I’ve invested a bit too much of my life into this sinkhole to go back now).

Japan can be quite crafty when it wants to be.

 

 

Gakusen Toshi Asterisk

The show may be objectively bad, Julis’s hair is pretty solid fap material, so…

 

 

K – Return of Kings

No.

Ugh, this show is so close to being good, but it actively avoids plot progression to the point that it’s like watching Bleach fillers. And when a show makes me remember the Bount arc, it’s not exactly a positive sign.

 

 

Osomatsu-san

Forget my earlier Osomatsu-san commentary. I like this series enough that even though it renders my dick as useless as social media, I’m gonna have to keep watching it. Damn my impeccable taste.

Here’s the scene I grabbed the screen from (2 mins, 7 MB):

If it wasn’t worth watching, I wouldn’t have included it.

Top 5 6 Whatever

Spoiler:

Comet Lucifer

Rock ’em sock ’em robots and fucking cool-as-shit, safety-off villains. Fuck yes.

There’s only so much I can give a show for potential, but goddamn am I hankering for a good adventure anime. And this one feels like a fusion of Mars Daybreak and Xam’d (well, the good part of Xam’d). Please, please, please keep being this good.

 

 

One-Punch Man

Continuing with its theme of “good stuff, but nothing great”, OPM whelms with the consistency of fast food. There’s only so far a soulless-yet-competent series can go, and that appears to be an 8/10.

Still, with plot like this, I can’t say the show is anything but deserving of a top placement this season.

 

 

Utawarerumono – Itsuwari no Kamen

The janky emotional pacing ain’t enough to dull this nostalgia for a series I only ever sorta liked. Nicely done, White Fox.

 

 

Sakurako-san no Ashimoto ni wa Shitai ga Umatteiru

If you liked Un-Go, Dantalian no Shoka, Gosick, and Kamisama no Memochou, you have questionable taste, but you’ll probably like this too. Same premise as those, except the detectives this time are a bone-loving bitch and a cuckold piece of shit.

Guess which one I’m watching it for.

Episode 2 was pretty fucking terrible, but they’ve got another 10 eps or so to give me something I can pretend is representative enough of the series that it justifies my interest. I’m sure I like this for a valid reason.

 

 

Mobile Suit Gundam – Iron-Blooded Orphans

IBO manages to create a compelling drama that involves child soldiers, rather than creepily fetishizing them like you’d get in a typical Western war movie or a Metal Gear game.

I’m sure as fuck surprised that we’re getting a breath of fresh air from a series as generally stale as Gundam, but I’ll take what I can get these days.

Here’s to dead kids.

 

 

Lance N’ Masques

A little girl emotionally abused by her dad meets a white knight who soon learns that being a redditor won’t solve anything. Add a whole lot of depression hidden behind a veneer of cuteness and you’ve got a stew fit for a Sage.

But apparently not for the anime fan at large.

Could someone tell me what exactly it is that people don’t get about the show? Cuz while I can understand someone not liking it, I can’t understand what kind of person would actively dislike it.

 

 

Subete ga F ni Naru

This is the strongest contender for ending up my favorite show at the end of the season. God, this thing’s got everything going for it — married old guys getting road head from their 13-year-old nieces, and umm… well, I guess that really is all a show needs to be good.

Keep on keeping on, Subete.

 

 

Valkyrie Drive ~Mermaid~

Some people will decry this show as mindless, exploitative garbage, but honestly, those SJW tears are half the reason this show gets my dick hard.

The other half.

Hate if you want, but this show gives me something to masturbate to when I don’t have a mirror handy. And that’s why it gets the highest honor an anime blog can give: a legit 10/10 from me.

#Perfection

~Ratings~

Spooky_Sage woke up late today, so we’re gonna drag this into Sunday.

Ghoulish Offerings

Not ghoulish, but I guess it ticks the offerings checkbox.

• Fall 2015 Anime Opinions – Episode 02
  • Because focusing on posts one-sentence, episodic opinions is clearly Crymore’s final form.
• Officialsubs Review: Monster Strike
  • Someone told me the show was worth watching. They were wrong.
• P-Tuesday Pollday
  • OPs/EDs. Making the webms will take me a few hours, so expect this sometime during the day on Sunday.
• ???

I can guarantee you’re gonna get some tonight, cuz that’s just the kinda sage I am~

Halloween Avatar

I’ve got a better one coming in for November, but I couldn’t resist repping a wobbly witch for Halloween.

Rare Halloween Banners

Taking ’em down when I go to bed tomorrow, so consider yourself lucky if you can catch ’em on the main page before then. Collect the memories while ya can.

More Meta, Cuz You’re Here Anyway

And zombie ass, cuz ya made it this far.

Review Queue

The Queue is gonna be offline for this season. I can’t post fansub reviews at the frequency I used to, and the scene isn’t even in a state where doing that would be a beneficial use of my time anyway. Yes, you’ll still be getting posts, they’ll just be rather infrequent.

Upcoming Cons (2015)

I’ll be at GP Atlanta with puddi in about two weeks. I don’t even like Magic… but if you’re gonna be there, drop me a line. I’m always down for daydrinking my way into shenanigans~

In December, I’ll be hitting up Akiba Expo with a significant chunk of the meme crew (puddi, Rekyu, real_denpa). This’ll get a post of its own with more details, but if you’re interested in dropping by a California anime con in December, give this one some thought. It looks stupid in the best way.

???

I know I had a few more things to say, but I’m running on empty and this post needs to go out before Halloween is over. So uhh, guess we’ll call this good for now, and you can let me know what I’m forgetting as y’all always do. <3

The post isn’t really Halloween themed, but– Boo! Managed to spook ya anyways. Damn I’m good.

Dropped/10

Spoiler:

Heavy Object

I was wondering that myself.

Jackass A mutely runs around putting explosives in random places as his partner constantly asks him what’s going on. Jackass B pulls a satellite out of his ass to call in a military strike that was deemed useless in an earlier episode. And then the big plot twist is that both of them find out they’re getting deployed to the frontlines at what was supposed to be an awards/retirement ceremony.

This is how humans would act if they were idiots putting on a play. While “the writer needed the plot to advance somehow” is an understandable motivation for some things, I cannot forgive a show for expecting that its audience accept that as the sole motivation behind each character’s actions. It’s insulting.

Honestly, I’d just watch it for the onee-san’s heavy objects, but Funimation managed to ruin those too.

Just go bankrupt already, you sick fucks.

 

 

Young Black Jack

Conventional wisdom holds true: if an episodic anime about a morally gray back-alley doctor doesn’t involve coat hangars within the first three episodes, it’s not worth watching.

Sorry YBJ, but a line had to be drawn somewhere, and I don’t have a whole season’s worth of my time to spend in hopes that you’ll finally give me a decent episode.

 

 

Concrete Revolutio

I know I said I wouldn’t drop this, but I say a lot of things, and this show’s bullshit moralizing wore out its welcome sooner than my sister’s aunt. Janky pacing and a terrible plot don’t help matters either.

Ain’t got much more to say other than fuck this show.

Anyway, here’s Wonderwall.

Bad/10

Spoiler:

Taimadou Gakuen 35 Shiken Shoutai

At this point I’m just strategizing how to justify dropping 35 despite its inclusion of a yandere.

Are those eyes enough to carry a show? So far, yes. But barely.

I think by next episode, I’ll be able to convince myself that his character is gonna take enough of a backseat to the action that I don’t need to watch anymore. But if Japan makes him as prominent as he deserves to be, I’m gonna be stuck on this subterranean roller coaster for quite a while. Gotta love these lose-lose situations.

 

 

Gakusen Toshi Asterisk

I can’t remember what happened in this episode, and I watched it yesterday. That probably says more about the show than anything else I’d write could.

Meh/10

Spoiler:

Osomatsu-san

I figured for the Osomatsu section of each post I’d upload a webm of a decent skit in the ep. Unfortunately, Japanese comedy is kind of… bad, so I didn’t have one for this episode.

I’ll give the show another episode to impress me, but don’t be surprised if this gets binned.

 

 

Owari no Seraph S2

Whispered exposition doesn’t really count as exposition, Japan.

I’m convinced that there’s a good show in here. I’m also convinced we’re just never going to see it.

 

 

Comet Lucifer

I thought the show was going somewhere, but apparently I was wrong. A cast can be as cool as it wants, but the characters need to actively engage with one another, or they’re just background decoration.

Dammit, Bones, an adventure anime needs progression. Stop letting me down like this. You’re supposed to be one of the good studios!

 

 

Lance N Masques

I thought horses were made of glue, not rubber.

What the fuck, LNM? I defended your slow start and this is how you repay me? With fucking awkward and pointless no-drama drama?

“Everyone wins” as the moral? This is why I have trust issues.

If you just wanted to do a cute show about a kid helping a little girl out and solving his own issues in the process, that’d have been fine. But this cartoonishly shounen bullshit where “the chosen one” is manipulated by the baddies to become a hero for whatever fucking nefarious purpose they’re doing it for… No. I deserve better.

 

 

Noragami Aragoto/K – Return of Kings

Beauty is only as deep as the budget allows.

Nothing much to report on either of these. Time to move onto the good okay stuff.

Top 5 6 Whatever

Spoiler:

Subete ga F ni Naru

;)

From the closed-room-on-an-island scenario that episode 2 presented us with, I knew we’d be getting a standard murder mystery from this show. What I didn’t expect was how fucking boring they’d make it.

The statutory rape is about the only thing the show has going for it right now, and even I don’t think that’ll be enough to keep me conscious through two more episodes.

Okay, maybe I’m exaggerating a bit. This should last me for at least three eps.

 

 

Sakurako-san

This whole episode was like watching a train full of catgirls plummet off a cliff in slow motion. Every crotch-stabbing frame dragged us painfully to the foregone conclusion that no decent human could have wanted. So some bitch’s grandma didn’t commit suicide, and in fact fell from a cliff by accident. That’s it? That’s all the episode was about?

Fuck this shit.

I bought into Sakurako-san cuz I thought we’d be getting intriguing mysteries that resulted in a solid fleshing out of the two MCs’ curious relationship. Instead, we’re being fed episodic garbage and expected to be thankful for it? If this is as far as the show can go, mark my words I’ll stop browsing pixiv for its H.

 

 

Utawarerumono – Itsuwari no Kamen // One-Punch Man

“Good but not great” sums these up. Uta has a poorly built world (even considering it has a whole fucking series building up to this one), and One-Punch suffers from trying to adapt one-panel jokes into five-minute segments.

The joke gets a lot less funny when the show thinks you were too stupid to guess the blatantly telegraphed punchline.

I hope these will find some way to impress me other than simply remaining moderately enjoyable, but I ain’t holding my breath.

 

 

Mobile Suit Gundam – Iron-Blooded Orphans

Jesus, this may end up as a ten for me. The only reason I’m holding off on giving it that right now is the crushing disappointment I’m likely to face when the anime bullshit starts.

But so far, goddamn, even the characters I don’t like are arguably “good” characters. And they’re not afraid to kill interesting people off.

Thank the gods we didn’t get any “join muh crew oji-san” bullshit here.

Yes, yes, and more yes. Japan, if you can keep pressed down on the throttle, I’ll keep fellating ya for it. A sore jaw is an acceptable tribute for quality of this level.

 

 

Valkyrie Drive ~Mermaid~

To presumably no one’s surprise, I still find this show fappable. Vampire-chan here appears to have been conceived by a beautiful mind who saw Gargantia and decided to run with the only good part of it.

As I’ve noted before, if only Urobuchi hadn’t happened to this show, it might’ve been good. ;_;

About the only thing that could sink Valkyrie Drive is if they drop the t&a in favor of musing on whatever political points the writer thinks they’re making. Let’s hope literacy loses this battle.

~Ratings~

Spoiler:

“Bipolar” as a translation for “tsundere”? As if we needed another reminder why fansubbing died.

Links go direct to each associated review post.

 

Anime	Episode 01	Episode 02	Episode 03
Attack on Titan Junior High	6	Dropped	N/A
Brave Beats	Dropped	N/A	N/A
Comet Lucifer	6	8	7
Concrete Revolutio	5	3	Dropped
Dance with Devils	6	Dropped	N/A
Gakusen Toshi Asterisk	6	6	5
Heavy Object	7	6	Dropped
High School Star Musical	Dropped	N/A	N/A
K – Return of Kings	7	7	7
Lance N Masques	9	9	7
Mobile Suit Gundam – Iron-Blooded Orphans	7	9	9
Noragami Aragoto	7	7	7
One-Punch Man	8	8	8
Osomatsu-san	8	7	6
Owari no Seraph S2	7	6	6
Rakudai Kishi no Cavalry	Dropped	N/A	N/A
Sakurako-san	9	8	8
Shomin Sample	Dropped	N/A	N/A
Subete ga F ni Naru	9	9	8
Taimadou Gakuen 35 Shiken Shoutai	4	5	4
Utawarerumono – Itsuwari no Kamen	8	8	8
Valkyrie Drive -Mermaid-	10	10	10
Young Black Jack	7	5	Dropped

 

As a reminder, the scores are NOT individual episodic ratings, but are rather based on my impression of the series by that point. Cuz, y’know, episodic ratings suck.

With how many times Cthuyuu shit the bed in this release, you’ve got to wonder if they can only get off to the smell of their own feces.

Table of Contents

Release Information

Visual Quality

Script Quality

Results

Release Information

Episode details.

Release format: Their releases run all the way from 250 to 420 MB because their encoder’s only consistent when it comes to failure.

Japanesiness: No honorifics, cuz those make memes harder.

Translation style: Guesslated garbage.

External links.

Group website: http://www.ggkthx.org/ | http://commiesubs.com/

IRC channel: Nobody uses IRC anymore though.

Visual Review

Karaoke.

If I gave you webms for this Google Translate cancertrash, your internet would probably kill itself.

Typesetting.

The typesetter appears to be the only person in the Cthuyuu joint who justifies his share of the world’s carbon.

Script Review

Main Script.

This part isn’t what set me off, but these examples should show you why even if you can tolerate memesubs, Cthuyuu is probably not gonna be your release of choice.

Nonsensical gibberish permeates the release like Cthuyuu are getting paid for each line they infect. (They probably wouldn’t even get paid much, which makes it that much worse.)

I didn’t realize Hot Topic was selling pick-up lines now.

You know guys, you are allowed to translate lines into English. Maybe an option to consider for the future.

W… What?

“Heroified”? You know what they called it in every fucking show where a character transformed? A fucking transformation, you lexicon-starved fucks.

Did any native speakers look at this release? Fucking hell.

Grammar Time

ESLs, the issue here is that you use “a” prior to words that start with a consonant sound. And “an” prior to words that start with a vowel sound. Because “useless” starts with a consonant sound (You), it needs “a” here.

If you’re using subtitles to improve your English, this is not a release you’re going to want to consider.

Try hard, fail harder.

From the fuckwits who brought you “bipolar” as a translation for “tsundere”, comes an even more desperate grasp at becoming relevant to their vision of “the youth”.

You can practically smell the dated thirst on their shit-stained breaths.

Now, I want to make something clear: I have no problems with “offensive” or “inventive” dialogue in anime subtitles. As long as the lines enhance the scenes and feel like they naturally belong there, that kind of phrasing only contributes to a more enjoyable viewer experience. Nobody wants to be bored (well, except Aria fans, but life is better when you pretend they don’t exist).

What does set me off is when the dialogue doesn’t match the characters or the show. And as you’ve already surmised, the worst case is what we’re being presented with here.

A chicken? Of all the animals to choose, you chose chicken?

Rather, you’re being force-fed some friendless poser’s best attempt at an anime-oriented comedy routine. Even the homeless have better things to do with their time than suffer through that.

Forced memes are the dankest.

The numbers say even more. I still can’t believe anyone would get out of bed for less than 10k.

And more memes, of course.

Watching Cthuyuu’s Taimadou is like watching that acne-riddled tryhard you knew from high school try to impress others with lines he learned from old Family Guy episodes. Nobody wants to clue him in on how awkward he makes everything, cuz that’d mean you’d have to actually fucking talk to him.

Is loser contagious? Probably not, but it’s safer to not find out.

Force more alliteration and maybe Sage-senpai will notice you!

Since I’m afraid I’ll lose you if I use too many words, I’ll sum it up with this: If you killed yourselves, no one would bat an eye.

If you disagree, I’d welcome you to prove it to us all. May I suggest a Drano cocktail? ^_^

Results

Watchability: Unwatchable.

Visual grade: Whatever.

Script grade: Memesubs get F’s.

Overall grade: F.

Just go with HorribleSubs. I’m writing off anything Cthuko or Hiryuu do from this point going forward. As if the scene needed another nail gun taken to its rotted coffin.

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Nothing’s spookier than turning on an anime and realizing it’s just a soulless advertisement for that game your little brother plays when he’s not indiscreetly jerking off to youporn.

Table of Contents

Release Information

Visual Quality

Script Quality

Results

Release Information

Episode details.

Release format: Youtube stream.

Japanesiness: No honorifics. Western name order.

English style: American English.

Speed: Simulcast.

Visual Review

Karaoke.

Ending.

Rating: Pass? It’s unsubbed, but if you hate your ears enough, you can give the webm a play and see why.

Typesetting.

Good thing half the punchlines in the show weren’t displayed in the signs, or this’d be inexcusable.

Timing.

There’s a reason why timer is the default intro position for fansubbing — it only takes about half the sentience of a rock to do properly.

Apparently that was asking too much of an official release.

Worse than missing cues, the shoddy — and hardsubbed — timing actively ruins jokes by delivering the (albeit shitty) punchlines ahead of schedule.

May want to start learning Japanese, cuz this ain’t gonna be the last official release to make a compelling case for just watching the show without subs.

Other.

I wouldn’t be surprised if this was contracted out to the same sweatshop that Funimation outsources to.

Script Review

Scripwriting vs Translating.

There’s a line between scriptwriting and translating that Monster Strike is often on the wrong side of. It’s not as bad as memesubs, but the experience can be pretty jarring.

I’d imagine they wrote this in hopes of a dub, judging by such otherwise nonsensical choices as turning an Engrish line like “The Monster Colosseum” into this:

Main Script.

Awkward and stilted, dialogue can sometimes seem like it was translated as a monologue.

While you may not notice it if you go autopilot through the series (as I would expect most people would), if ya take some time to process what you’re reading, you’ll notice the laziness.

As opposed to what? Pussy?

While she may be a muff diver, that’s not an assumption about someone a middle schooler can usually make quite right off the bat. Truncate this to “So you like swimming?”

This is the only technical mistake that I felt was worth mentioning.

Protip time:

If you can replace the family member’s relation with their name, then you should capitalize it.

For example, “Hey, Mom.” and “Hey, Karen.”

If replacing the name makes the line sound stupid, then you just keep it lowercase.

For example, “My mom is the best mom in the world.” vs. “My Karen is the best Karen in the world.” (The second one sounds weird.)

Results

Overall grade: Pass.

While the timing’s shit and the signs aren’t translated, the script is technically passable. Not like you have any other options if you want to watch this blatantly mediocre f2p ad, though.

Makes me wonder why the fuck I even started watching this in the first place.

…oh yeah.

Let’s keep the recommendations to good anime in the future, Percy. :<

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